He loves. He loves me not... 

Always playing the make up to break up game...

How many times can I tolerate this shit? 

If the shoes were on the other foot, you'd leave my ass...

I have no one to blame but myself... but its so hard 

cuz whenever I finally gather the strength to leave... 

You come beggin, sayin "baby, baby please" 

You say you love me.

Then you love me not...

Say marry me, than say you wanna leave.

... but everyone woman has her breaking point.

And baby... Im far past bein broken.

Sad...

I have finally come to terms that it is over... I just wish we could've made it.

... And yet again, I am let down.

So, I log on to my IM to see if He's on...

- Him: Hey :)

Yay. He's online, but he starts to ask who I am and whatnot,  so I can assume that someone else is using his IM, I simply respond that it was his friend, well his WIFE proceeds to tell me that they are now married and that I need to leave him alone because they are happy and happily expecting,...

Rewind, to last night... I had just asked him if he and his BM were working things out and proceeded to tell me that they broke up, he sent her home to Texas and that her due date didn't match up, so he's through with her.

Well. I am not a home wrecker, so since someone here is a liar, I'm not going to pursue this... I can't afford another heartbreak, especially considering that I am still not over J.

I just can't believe that I bought all the crap about how he missed what we had and how he wanted to heal all of my wounds...


Yeah. Right.

It was written in the ★ ★s...

we were destined to meet... Okay... so I've been thinking a lot about all the "what ifs"... it may have a lot to do with me having to deal with mending my broken heart, or maybe its authentic feelings that I've repressed out of the love for J... but HE has been consuming so many of my thoughts...

"What if HE was supposed to be MY husband"... "What if HE was my ONE"... "What if HE never went away... "

I know that I was engaged and HE has a girl and a baby on the way, but I can't help but wonder... I mean, after 5 years, we meet back up? What are the odds?...

... I know we're not going to be together, but I still miss him & love him ♥

Words of Wisdom.

“ Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable. ” -- I have sincerely tried to change my ways. I made a conscious effort to refrain from things that I know may cause a fight or argument. I have accepted that J & I are no longer in the same place that we were in when we were 17,18,19,etc... we've both grown, but in separate directions... and I don't like the direction he took so I am removing myself from him.

"When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better." -- Everything happens for a reason... and although I can't fathom life with anyone besides him, maybe I have to be free for whatever blessing God is sending my way...

Love is pain

I think I am teetering on the brink of depression... I am an emotional wreck and I can literally feel my heart breaking! As much hurt as he's inflicted on me, I loved him enough to look past them and try to make it work... sure, it was probably naive, but I felt like loving him was worth it. I'm just tired of hurting...

Lord, please heal my ♥